Plan to pay off deficit with bits of old soap ‘not working’

THE government’s plan to wipe out Britain’s deficit using little bits of discarded soap is not going well, David Cameron has revealed.

Ooh, that's a nice one

The prime minister said the Treasury had collected more than 50 bits of soap that had been thrown in bins after becoming too small to be of any real use.

But he added: “Despite our initial estimates, it seems they are virtually worthless.

“We may be able to reduce the deficit by 75 pence if we can somehow squeeze them all together and make one large bar of soap.”

Julian Cook, chief economist at Donnelly-McPartlin, said: “It can be difficult to pay off your debts when you don’t have any money.

“When George Osborne outlined his deficit reduction plan last year I actually wrote to him and said ‘well done, this is all makes perfect sense right up to the point where you start talking about money.

“He then sent me a photo of some bits of old soap with a Post-It note attached to it which read ‘how do you like them apples?’.”

He added: “But at least  the National Soap Strategy is not in the hands of that shit-eating, moon-faced twat who cries when he watches Antiques Roadshow.

“Presumably because he can’t bear the idea of someone making a profit.”