Ruth Davidson ordered to be more delusional

SCOTTISH Conservative leader Ruth Davidson has been ordered to drop her radical position of relative sanity and join her fellow Tories in madness. 

The Edinburgh Central MSP has been criticised for tacitly suggesting the UK should stay in the customs union, a policy considered far too rational by Westminster.

Julian Cook, member for Brigg and Goole, said: “Bad enough she picked up seats in the election last year, a shameful break with party orthodoxy.

“But now, at a crucial time for Britain, she’s coming out with the kind of practical, workable solutions the rest of us have long since discarded for a phantasmagorical wonderland of lunacy.

“Negotiations are on a knife-edge. We need absolutely every Tory on-side promising a fantastical future of unbridled nationalist utopia. Even a trace of reality could destroy the entire thing.”

Davidson said: “The voices whispering in my head, telling me compromise is possible, telling me to be realistic; they are the false ones. I understand now.

“The world is a lie. Only Brexit is real.”