Tuesday, 11th May 2021

'Smirk like nobody's watching': inspirational quotes from Priti Patel

TOUGH day making the hostile environment positively belligerent? Sick of leftie lawyers getting you down? These are the life mottos that I, home secretary Priti Patel, swear by.

Smirk like nobody’s watching

It’s perfectly natural to have a little self-satisfied smile at the thought of gunboats hunting down leaking, overcrowded dinghies in the English Channel. Live your truth and don’t pay the haters no mind. They can’t prove you weren’t thinking of a funny bit from Only Del Boy’s Rodneys.

When god closes a border, he opens a detention centre

My spin on this famous quote about never giving up hope is simple — if you’re trying to get into our country, by any means, illegal or legal, there is no hope even in the beauty of a morning sunrise.

It’s always private sector o’clock!

Life as a public servant getting you down? Uncork a long, tall glass of private sector solutions. From healthcare to prisons to trains, there’s nothing they don’t make better. Garnish with consultants at £7,000 a day.

Life is like a box of Spearfish torpedoes

I love foreign countries, and their vibrant contributions to the world, so I love selling them weaponry. What could be kinder than giving them the means to protect themselves, and also giving those means to their opponents? Pay it forward.

What happens in Israel stays in Israel

After I was forced to resign from my post back in 2017 for holding illegal meetings, I bounced back almost immediately. How? Simple — I said this quick quote to myself every day, multiple times a day, usually while staring down a quaking intern.