Stephen Crabb to personally cure every homosexual in Britain 

CONSERVATIVE leadership candidate, Stephen Crabb, has announced he will cure every homosexual in Britain within three years.

Crabb pledged to visit every gay nightclub, bar and book club as part of a ‘personal mission’ to cure every single man he can, even signing up to Grindr if he has to.

Crabb said: “I’m going to start by curing the hell out of the two gay guys on Gogglebox.

“And then Will Young. I might take the weekend off to cure him.”

When asked if might be able to ‘cure’ lesbians, Crabb was less enthusiastic.

He added: “I don’t know. I hadn’t thought about that to be honest.”