THE Queen has outlined the evil plans of the new Conservative government, but how will they affect you?
— Income tax to be abolished for low-income and high-income households, leaving those awful jumped-up aspirational twats in the middle to do all the sweating.
— Free daytime creche in every Wetherspoon’s.
— Legislation banning any increase in income tax, National Insurance and VAT for next five years to keep notoriously crooked Chancellor Osborne on straight street.
— Seven-day NHS to be based on Biblical seventh day when everyone rested.
— Votes on laws which only affect England to include Wales for scapegoat purposes.
— Cutting total benefits for one household from £26,000 to £23,000, potentially saving the public £3,000 a year.
— More schools turned into academies, more academies turned into Jedi Academies, any massacres of younglings regrettable but necessary.
— Referendum on whether to remain in EU before end of 2017, with second referendum in 2018 if voters get first one wrong.
— New series of Sherlock every Christmas without fail or that’s definitely fucking it for the BBC.