Monday, 25th May 2020

Tories regret joining party full of horrible bastards

THE bitter infighting over Europe has led Conservatives to question whether it was a good idea to join a party known for being horrible to people.

After decades of animosity, some have realised there is a downside to being in a party full of arrogant bastards who enjoy seeing others suffer.

Tory member Julian Cook said: “The last thing I expected was for Tories to be nasty to me because I’m not in one of our approved hate groups like ‘hopeless dole twat’ or ‘up-themselves doctor’.

“Unfortunately we’re split into Tories who hate foreigners and Tories who hate foreigners but realise we’ll lose our jobs if we totally fuck the economy.

“Sometimes I think I should have joined the Labour party. When they fall out they just do this passive-aggressive thing where they make each other attend really boring committee meetings.”

Tory MP Donna Sheridan said: “Personal abuse is never acceptable unless it’s calling Corbyn a ‘stinky old tramp man’ or something clever and hilarious like that.

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe we’re the same party that produced lovely, warm people like Margaret Thatcher, Enoch Powell and all the ones who wanted to hang Nelson Mandela.”