Trump 'Pocahontas' comment part of move towards family-friendly racial slurs

PRESIDENT Trump’s latest racial slur is part of a White House strategy to make his offensive comments more accessible to the whole family.

After Trump referred to a senator as ‘Pocahontas’ during a ceremony honouring Navajo war veterans, his team confirmed it is the first in a new series of race-related remarks that are also fun for children.

A White House spokesperson said: “We’ve had complaints that statements made by the president are unsuitable for young audiences. He’s taken that on board, and from now on, he will ensure that kids can enjoy his bigoted cartoon references.

“He’s full of ideas for the next Native American event, including bursting into a chorus of Peter Pan’s What Makes the Red Man Red  and making some whooping noises while fanning his mouth with his hands.”

Trump also plans explaining his controversial Muslim travel ban using plot points from Aladdin, describing the ‘take a knee’ campaign by drawing analogies with the crows from Dumbo, and making his case for the border wall with an impression of Lady and the Tramp’s Mexican Chihuahua.

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Friend claiming to be 'five minutes away' such a f**king liar

A WOMAN was ‘five minutes away’ for an hour and a half, it has emerged. 

Susan Traherne was due to meet friend Mary Fisher for a quick coffee and catch up, but began to deviate from the plan with a text claiming she was ‘running a few minutes late’.

Fisher said: “When Susan said she’d be five minutes, I ordered her a coffee. I was just about to give it to a homeless person when she called for a third time to mention ‘five minutes’ yet again and being ‘just around the corner I swear’.

“I know my friend would never deliberately lie to me, so there has to be another explanation. Maybe she’s counting in dog years? Or perhaps she stumbled into another dimension where time works differently?”

Traherne finally arrived almost 90 minutes later after ‘rushing to get there’ through ‘nightmare traffic’ despite having taken the tube. She had left home on time, pausing only for brief detour to New Look to try on that dress she saw online.

She said: “After my epic trek to see Mary, she stayed for about ten minutes and then said she ‘had to go’ because of ‘a hospital appointment’. Pretty fucking rude, right?

“Some people are so self-absorbed.”