Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Use your own judgment over Christmas, Johnson tells country full of idiots

A PRIME minister whose position is proof that Britain makes f**king terrible decisions has told us to ‘use our own judgment’ over Christmas. 

Boris Johnson, who won an 80-seat majority from an electorate of self-destructive cretins just a year ago, has advised us to let our own dimwitted idiocy be our guide.

He continued: “If you weren’t morons, I wouldn’t be here. So I’m not about to tell you to stop now.

“I strongly advise you not to see family if at all practical, while entirely underminining my own message by making it clear you’re allowed to and I expect you to.

“Additionally, I should add that I am a notorious liar, my advice is confusing, and I can’t resist throwing in a little quip at the end to muddy waters further.”

Wayne Hayes of Cambridge said: “Good enough for me. And I judge that Covid isn’t real, this self-isolation’s bollocks, and I’m having the whole street round.”