Priti Patel's pure evil superior to Braverman's mundane nastiness, Britain agrees

SUELLA Braverman’s pedestrian unpleasantness was feeble compared to the pure, glittering evil of her predecessor, British people have confirmed.

After the Home Secretary resigned due to breaking rules on handling confidential information, voters say she could never have lived up to Priti Patel’s unholy wickedness anyway.

Lucy Phipps, from Swanage, said: “You could tell she was trying to be bad, but it was pretty lame. Calling protesters ‘Guardian-reading, tofu-eating wokerati’ is the kind of embarrassing shit my Uncle Roy writes in the Daily Mail comments section.

“Yeah, she said all that mad stuff about it being her dream to deport immigrants to Rwanda but it had a really try-hard, hammy vibe, like a Wicked Stepmother in a crap, provincial pantomime.

“Priti Patel, on the other hand, had a kind of innate, dead-eyed malevolence that made you genuinely frightened of her. Which isn’t what I want in a politician, but at least she was authentically awful.

“What about Grant Shapps? Don’t care. With the rate Tory ministers are dropping he’ll only be in the job for a couple of weeks, so I can’t be arsed forming an opinion.”

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'Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough' roars shirtless Rees-Mogg

FOOTAGE has emerged of a shirtless Jacob Rees-Mogg standing outside the parliamentary lobbies urging colleagues to ‘have a f**king go’.

The member for North-East Somerset was filmed stripped to the waist, with bottles of Grolsch in each hand and ‘HAMMERSMITH SKINS’ written across his chest in what appeared to be blood.

Backbencher Denys Finch Hatton said: “Rees-Mogg was belligerent, intoxicated, and challenged onlookers with ‘are you looking at my majority? Are you looking at my 14,729 majority?’

“He physically barred MPs, whether Tory or Labour ‘he didn’t give a f**k mate’, from entering the Aye Lobby and shoved several through into the No Lobby against their will.

“Anyone attempting to argue was attacked. His headbutt rendered them insensible, after which their unconscious bodies were slung into his preferred lobby. At one point he unzipped his flies and urinated where he stood.

“Even cabinet colleagues were informed ‘I’m watching you, you wanker’ and cuffed on the back of the head as they pass. This is unconscionable. Don’t tell him it was me that said this.”

Rees-Mogg said: “Did you spill my Brexit? DID YOU SPILL MY F**KING BREXIT?”