THE prime minister is genuinely touched that his colleagues wrote the most generic of messages in his leaving card, he has revealed.
The card, which says ‘Happy Birthday’ in big letters on the front and still has the price sticker on it, brought Keir Starmer close to tears thanks to the cold, empty platitudes it contains.
He said: “This is so heartwarming. It’s always hard to know if your co-workers like you when you’re the boss, but these vague well-wishes are proof I’ll be missed.
“Look how they’ve written their goodbyes really small and in the corners. They probably wanted to leave room for the hundreds of Labour MPs yet to sign the card. Although a lot were too busy, which is fair enough.
“I’m sure they wanted to write longer, more personal messages, but nobody likes it when someone hogs the pen. That also explains why they didn’t leave their names. The mad jostle to write in the card must have been crazy!”
Former deputy PM Angela Rayner said: “Yes, I doubt anyone was itching to write ‘Well you f**ked that, didn’t you?’ or ‘Good riddance, you total charisma vacuum who’s somehow managed to be hated by literally everyone’.
“As I was thinking what to write the words ‘Thank God that’s over’ kept going through my mind. But in the end I just went with ‘Great working with you’.”
