BORIS Johnson and Rishi Sunak’s plunging popularity could be the result of the media not endlessly sucking their dicks, experts have agreed.
Political and media analysts were surprised to find both politicians coming at the bottom of a poll of party members, below established bastards, suit-haunting nonentities and certified halfwits like Liz Truss.
Nathan Muir of YouGov said: “The BBC’s non-stop cheerleading for Sunak, portraying him on one occasion as Superman, has waned. But I fail to see how that could quell the public’s adoration.
“Also the press have criticised his budget and published largely accurate details of his out-of-touch, insanely privileged billionaire lifestyle. That still doesn’t explain the poll. They must have totted up the numbers wrong.”
Media analyst Emma Bradford said: “The sheer bias in reporting Johnson’s sneaky, shambolic behaviour over the unending car crash of Partygate, plus his incompetence and sickening arrogance, is telling.
“A Tory leader shouldn’t have to put up with blatant character assassination like this. It’s not like saying Starmer’s a paedo-defending lockdown-beer-swilling monster whose deputy flashes her fadge. That’s the rough-and-tumble of politics.”
Voter Nikki Hollis said: “I keep getting this weird, irrational feeling that I don’t want to vote Tory anymore. Where’s Laura Kuenssberg when you need her?”