Twats not helping

VIOLENT twats who believe themselves to be helping are emphatically not helping, Britain has agreed. 

The men who rushed down to Southampton to throw bricks at police in the hope it would make everything in Britain better have in fact made it worse, as any neutral observer would have predicted.

Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “You’d think they’d have learned from Southport, when a few thousand shaven-headed men shouting racist slogans failed to make any positive difference to the families, the communities or the country.

“But somehow these men remain convinced that a terrible tragedy can only be healed by them throwing bins at policemen. A conviction which is unfounded, unlike their previous convictions for domestic violence, sexual assault and ABH.

“Yes, the policeman shouldn’t have arrested the victim. This wasn’t due to anti-white bias but because the murderer called the police to report a crime, confusing the police because that’s not something most murderers do.

“It’s not an injustice you can solve by setting fire to a police van. And you being arrested for that is not proof of two-tier policing, but proof of policing.”

Wayne Hayes said: “Yeah, but all them Black Lives Matter who set fire to police stuff weren’t arrested. They were? Oh right, fair enough then.”

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Job hunting in this market impossible, says teen without CV

A 18-YEAR-OLD who has made no effort to find any kind of job has decided his unemployment is down to global economic factors far beyond his control. 

Josh Hudson is one of of more than a million Neets across the nation, who is unable to study for A-levels because he dropped out and cannot get onto any training courses despite spending hours every day sitting on his arse watching TikTok.

Josh explained: “I saw a video about how it’s not actually my fault that I don’t have a job, and the reason no one has knocked on my door and asked if I want one is because of AI nicking them all.”

“It’s literally impossible to get an entry-level job these days. They all expect you to have experience. My mum says the local pub wants a dishwasher but as I pointed out, when have I ever washed a dish? They’d throw me in the deep end with no training.

“Also, I was brought up to respect myself, and all this grovelling around looking for paid work reminds me of slavery. Which is wrong.”

Mum Donna says: “He can’t get LinkedIn, because it’s intrusive personal surveillance by the US tech-industrial complex selling his facial data to Palantir.

“Thank f**k for the AI revolution, I say. They’ll get shit done.”