We ask you: should the Conservatives return their racist £10 million?

HEAVEN knows why, but a racist has donated £10 million to the Conservatives. Should the party return this tainted cash? 

Thomas Booker, security guard: “If you can’t take money off bigots that’s the business model of Indian restaurants f**ked. And Chinese takeaways.”

Susan Traherne, international hockey referee: “Once they give it back that racist money enters circulation. I’ll end up with a prejudiced tenner in my wallet, whispering slurs to my credit card.”

Josh Gardner, delivery rider: “There’s no way he expected the Tories to do anything racist for that £10 million. That just isn’t how politics works.”

Helen Archer, doctor: “How about if the party donates the lot to anti-racist charities? And the cameras give us a good, tight close-up of their facial expressions while they do it?”

Nikki Hollis, nail artist: “So he says something racist and is rewarded with ten million?”

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Millionaire donor racism less serious than regular racism, says government

THE government has clarified that racist comments made by a millionaire donor are not as serious as regular race-based bigotry.

While comments about hating all black people and shooting Diane Abbott might sound racist to the untrained ear, the government has pointed out they are not a big deal because they were said by a man who gave them £10 million.

A Downing Street spokesperson said: “Take it from us, a party that only cares about old white people who vote for us, Frank Hester’s racist comments are nothing to worry about.

“If they were said by an asylum seeker or worse, a Labour MP, then you’d be right to take to the streets with pitchforks and flaming torches. In fact we’d be right behind you, cheering you on.

“But instead they came from our mate with deep pockets, which means you should laugh it off and go back to more pressing concerns like that photo of Princess Kate. Where the f**k is her wedding ring?

“Don’t forget, donor racism is different to proper racism. It’s just a bit of fun like Til Death Do Us Part and Little Britain. Stop being so woke about it.

“It’s not like we’re wearing white pointy robes and parading around a burning cross. Although if Frank Hester got caught doing that we’d let him off because he’s probably being ironic and we like money.”