OUR new prime minister is to give Britain’s regional mayors powers beyond all imagining. What do you want your mayor to be able to do?
Norman Steele, bin reseller: “Not fly, or he’ll just f**k off and never come back. This is Mansfield after all.”
Julian Cook, dredger: “I’d like our mayor to have the power to drive people with a different skin colour on another continent absolutely insane with rage. If Sadiq Khan can do it, why not Paul Bristow of Cambridge and Peterborough Combined Strategic Authority?”
Donna Sheridan, pharmacist: “Our mayor’s already able to magically divine that any problem, from fly-tipping to SEND funding shortfalls, is due to immigration because she’s Reform’s Andrea Jenkyns.”
Denys Finch Hatton, genealogist: “Does he have to have powers? I find them unconvincing, and would prefer that Swindon just get its very own Batman.”
Lucy Parry, picture framer: “There’s invisibility, there’s teleportation, but ultimately as a mayor the most important power is to really be able to tell which is the bonniest baby.”
