THE Conservative conference begins tomorrow, and you need retrospective planning permission for an illegal caravan park. Who are you blowing to get this done?
Sophie Rodriguez, industrialist: “Dilemma, isn’t it? I’d offer Kemi oral but there’s no way she’s into anything that involves pleasure.”
Julian Cook, lobbyist: “Eric Pickles out of habit, Gove for a gram, and Robert Jenrick as an investment in my future.”
Joseph Turner, member for Ludlow: “A man who tells me he’s Elon Musk and I believe him until I see him behind the counter at McTucky’s in the Village at 2am.”
Robert Jenrick, member for Newark: “I suppose it’s Lachlan Murdoch now, isn’t it? From father to son. The great traditions of this nation.”
Norman Steele, contractor: “You think I ask names?”
