ANDY Burnham’s plans to nationalise public services are an evil plot by a depraved monster, which many Britons have failed to understand. Our impartial media will help:
Water
Burnham wants to take away your right to pay a private monopoly to demand bailouts to do its job and pass any fines directly to you. Luckily, newspapers know the real disaster would be going back to the dark days of nationalised water, when taps only worked one day in ten and drinking it gave you the shits. Don’t Google that.
Social care
A National Care Service is the sort of crackpot Marxist idea that could never work in real life, except Scotland. The only way to provide old age care is a morbid lottery in which you win a house if your parents die promptly and the worst people in the world set up care homes.
Buses
Red Andy is already allowing the state to ruthlessly control private bus operators, so expect a National Bus Service soon. Stalin’s Russia had nationalised buses, so it’s easy to imagine a world in which Burnham’s NKVD put a pistol to your neck and summarily execute you for saying that the 86 to Thetford is late.
Electricity
Municipal electricity will be of poor quality and unfashionable, not like cool private sector electricity with all the latest features like amperes. If you use state electricity, your lights will flicker, your television will only have three channels and your children will be bullied at school.
Housing
Burnham wants to build massive council estates directly outside your lovely detached home. All you’ll see from your floor-to-ceiling windows are abandoned fridges, burning cars and feral rat children defecating on your begonias.
Railways
Burnham wants to rob us of the cancellations and broken toilets that are as much a part of the British way of life as Sunday roasts with Rudyard Kipling. And what happens when there are delays regardless? Burnham’s evil socialist spell will be broken and he’ll be voted out, Reform will abolish democracy and we’ll all be so much happier.
