FIFTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has put on a little timber over the holidays and joins a gym to get buff for school, innit.
WAGWAN? Active J is habsent from school. You see, fam, Drilla threw shade an’ posted a rank photo on Hinsta of man chillin’ what said: ‘Inactive J! Did him eat all da pies?’ It got bare likes.
Active J woz turbo-vexed an’ da dickhead got a poundin’ for it. But da hidiot woz right, fam.
As you know, Active J flexes swag in habundance, an’ all dat is missin’ is a habs sixpack. Dis summer man ‘as been a badman at Maccy D’s an’ on da Hoober Heats app, an’ is bustin’ a onepack right now, innit. Active J would not be filmin’ him’s gangsta rap videos any time soon, fam. For real.
Man’s peng gyal, Lady G, sed for Active J to get buff at da gym before da new term starts. But bein’ a righteous roadman of da people, man thought gettin’ a full gym membership would be helitist an’ would compromise Active J’s street principles. So man honly got da platinum level wivout da rank jacuzzi ting, coz man is umble, innit.
Da first week of Active J’s shred regime woz taken up, as you would hexpect, sourcin’ peng gym drip. Man hobtained black North Face tops an’ hoodies, black Nike shorts and cold, boxfresh black Air Max 95s wiv a sporty style of laces. Man created a Monster helectrolyte protein shake an’ heven found a horange Lucozade-flavoured sport vape. Active J is a hathlete, fam. Nang!
Quickly though, man discovered da gym is not a natural henvironment for a bossman roadman, like da hastroturf. Man ‘ad to suffer da oomiliation of bein’ shown how to work da hexercise tings by a stiffman gymbot. You wot, bruv?
Da gymbot woz tellin’ Active J to take it heasy, use da toddler weights an’ build up man’s strength gradually. Are you jokes? Active J does not wanna get too hench, wiv da big rank veins poppin’ out like a chiselled Hulk muggle. Man still ‘ad a few days before school to get ripped, an’ ‘as not heven posted videos to TikTok or Hinsta yet.
So Active J went hyper-hard on da pullin’ an’ pushin’ machines. But machinedem mustn’t ‘ave been calibrated right, coz dis mornin’ man ‘ad to tell parentmum to phone school coz Active J couldn’t get out of bed, an’ him woz a bit sick.
Miss Jackson woz very hunderstandin’ an’ let parentmum set up a video link on man’s laptop in bed to join in da lessons. But dickhead Drilla went an’ took a photo of man an’ put another ‘Inactive J’ post on Hinsta. It got bare likes, hagain.
As soon as man can walk an’ make a fist dickhead Drilla is gettin’ another poundin’, but Active J does not know when dat will be. Not gassed, fam. Not gassed.
