FOURTEEN-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, has received a hanonymous Valentine’s card from a secret gyal admirer.
Wagwan? Man is bare gassed. Superswag Active J scored a peng Valentine’s Day card on him’s desk in history today, innit.
Man ‘ad no hidea who left da card, but dickhead Drilla went round mandem’s crew sayin’ it woz from Miss Jackson. It wasn’t, coz on da henvelope it ‘ad ‘Active J’, an’ Miss Jackson calls man ‘Joshua’, innit. Man woz bare vexed, Drilla woz dead at break.
Da card said in da big red writin’ ‘Be my Valentine ‘n’ ting’ wiv hearts on it, an’ inside it said ‘Man is peng’ an’ ‘U is da 1 4 me, innit’. Man knew it woz a hexpensive card coz da teddy bear on da front woz flexin’ Air Max 95s an’ North Face drip.
Den at da break time, man goes on da hastroturf for him’s vape an’ to give wasteman Drilla a bare poundin’, an’ Lady G comes up to man an’ sez it woz her’s dat left da card. Man woz gassed, bruv.
Den Lady G gets bare closer to man’s face, innit, an’ sez him’s breath is rank. Man said her’s woz too, coz it stink of stale Monster and Peach Melba vape, den we smiled an’ her’s say Active J is dench, an’ man sez gyal is nang peng, still. Den Lady G bare kissed Active J, full on da lips, innit.
Blud! Man woz so bustin’ gassed wiv swag, man hactually forgot him’s beef ting wiv deadman Drilla. An’ one of Lady G’s gyaldem filmed da kiss. So now we is more than friends, we is lipsing on TikTok. Nang, innit.
