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Fire every teacher. Hire a random selection of drunks from a Nuneaton Wetherspoons. They'd do a better job

By Abigail Pennson, our reasonable, plain-speaking middle-class columnist who believes hanging is both too good for them and all they deserve

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Lah-de-dah menus and wine that costs more than a whole off licence: the gammon food critic goes French

Restaurant reviews by Justin Tanner, our retired food critic who thinks the Suffragettes must have been on their periods

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