HEARTTHROB, popstar and now actor Harry Styles has, like many of us, always suspected he may be a vampire. These are his reasons:
I do dress rather flamboyantly
Fashion’s an area of concern. Vampires dress fancy – sharp suits, big collars, capes – and I’m noted worldside for my elaborate outfits. There are shirts I’ve worn that would make any Dracula drool and that I’d look absolutely natural playing a Gothic pipe organ in a mountainous castle in. Not proof on its own but reason for suspicion.
I’ve never been fond of garlic
When I was filming Don’t Worry Darling, every minute I wasn’t acting or getting off with the director I was bollocking the on-set caterers for using too much garlic. He put it in fucking everything and when you’re romancing a sophisticate older woman who’s technically your boss, garlic breath is unhelpful. But he wouldn’t stop. Flo Pugh reeked of it. I didn’t want to go anywhere near her. I don’t think that was deliberate.
I mostly come out at night
But the thing to remember is all my gigs are at night. I’m kind of an evening shift worker. And while I’ve had sunburn, I don’t shrivel and die when whichever Victoria’s Secret model I’m banging throws the curtains wide in my penthouse suite and the light streams in. I get a headache at worst. I’ll continue gigging at night and just hope I’m not bad like Spike was when he started in Buffy but good, as he became from season four onwards.
I have an English accent
As do most vampires. Occasionally they’re English but talking kind of Eastern European but it’s still largely British, like the Cheeky Girls. I’m aware I share my English accent with around 56 million people, discounting the population of Birmingham and those spaced-out clowns in the West Country, but still when you start to add it all up, the evidence mounts, you know?
I could be immortal
The fact of the matter is, I haven’t died yet. Immortality is therefore very much on the cards. I’m not going out of my way to prove it because I’d be taking drastic action which could backfire badly on my career and life. Maybe Kurt Cobain was trying to prove he was or wasn’t a vampire, I can’t say. Also am I scared of bats, or do I see them as rivals? Makes you think.
