AFTER a controversial win over an MMA fighter last weekend, The Gypsy King has turned his thoughts to the next non-boxer he’d happily take on in the ring for £50 million:
I love Rule The World as much as the next man, and Back For Good? Bloody tune mate. But Gary Barlow’s face? Even you people call it punchable, and you don’t punch for a living. I do and you are absolutely correct. It’s a target that speaks to me across distance, across generations, and my only regret is one blow would do it.
Grant and Phil Mitchell
Ask any punter on the street who the hardest blokes in Britain are, and they’ll say the Mitchell brothers. They’ve fought each other, but I’ll take both of those bollock-headed bastards on simultaneously. An old-fashioned three-way heavyweight clash in front of a sell-out crowd at East London’s Olympic stadium. Bosh.
At last count, I have just over half-a-dozen kids; all the boys called Prince, obviously, and the girls called Venezuela and the like. Which means I’ve watched more than a decade of Peppa fucking Pig so I am calling her out. She can’t fight, I won’t beat a child bloody, so her father’s going to need to step up. I’ll pummel him like Rocky on a side of beef.
Yes, George is at a considerable height, weight and reach disadvantage. But just imagine the numbers we’d bring in as a pay-per-view. Genuine royalty, facing off against those German pricks who call themselves a monarchy? Taking a left and right to the face? Spitting out bloodied baby teeth and coming back for more? Respect on that.
He might be a Dutch artist of the Baroque period who specialised in intensely-worked interiors with a genius for capturing light, but could he take a punch? I reckon so. There’s just something about how he captures the ethereal falling away of light that gives me the impression that once he got his dander up he’d be a fucking madman. Could lose this one.
Of course he’s dead, but what the fuck are we pissing about with AI for if not this? If not for the perfect solid light hologram of The Greatest to climb in the ring and go 15 rounds? Me, Ali, the ethically questionable country of Saudi Arabia, ringside seats $1.2 million, split decision and a rematch. Or if not him, Batman.