I’M glad my new album got leaked early, as I can concentrate on Fantasy Football before Arsenal’s tricky season opener to Palace. Here are the selection headaches I’ve managed to overcome.
Haaland as captain
When I’m not releasing million-selling concept albums which cover everything from racism to my husband’s infidelity, you’ll find me watching highlights of the Bundesliga. Which is why Haaland is my captain. I’m so confident I popped into Ladbrokes to stick a few quid on him to be top scorer at 11/4. Stole a few of those little pens while I was there. Always handy to have around the house.
Salah is definitely worth £13.0
Mo Salah is expensive but I think he’s well worth the 13.0. Especially as he’s listed as a midfielder. You can pad the rest of your midfield out with cheaper players like Mount, Eriksen or Zaha. Jay-Z and I were having our toad in the hole the other night and he’s building his midfield around Kevin De Bruyne. I said, ‘Don’t get me wrong, KDB is world class. But personally I think Grealish is due a big season. Now pass the onion gravy, Jiggaman.’
Forest might surprise people
They’ve been in the doldrums for a long time, so it’s great to see Forest back in the Prem. Cloughie will be looking down with a smile on his face. I think they’ll surprise a few people. Keep it tight at the back with Nico Williams (4.0), bang in a few goals with Brennan Johnson (6.0) and have 29-year-old TikTok-loving man-child Jesse Lingard (6.0) pulling strings in midfield.
Ronaldo is finished
Don’t get me started on Messi vs Ronaldo. In Destiny’s Child me and Kelly were Team Messi whereas Michelle liked CR7. But what does Michelle know? She came fourth in The Masked Singer and I’m practically a billionaire. I respect Cristiano because, like me, he’s still killing it at almost 40. But I think he’s done at United. ‘Gimme Jadon Sancho any time,’ I told Jay, but he was busy with his homebrew stout.
Take a punt on Mitrovic
Fulham might be a yo-yo club but the fact Mitrovic scored over 40 goals last season can’t be ignored. He’ll be trying to do it at Anfield and the Etihad this season, not Kenilworth Road and Deepdale, but I think he’s worth a punt. That reminds me, if you go to Deepdale, the ‘2 Pies & 2 Beers’ deal saves you some serious cash. For £12 I got chicken balti pie and a lager and Jay went for meat and potato and a John Smith’s. Both absolutely lush.