CAN Charlotte, aged 29, find a future with Josh, aged 28? Or, as our waiters suspect, have they actually been a couple for years and are gaming the system?
Charlotte on Josh
First impression?
Handsome! Yeah. Sort of, though he could make more effort, but I’m pleasantly surprised. With the emphasis on ‘surprised’.
How was conversation?
Kind of stilted at first – we don’t know much about each other because we’ve never met before, not even once, so we were asking lots of really obvious questions like ‘What does your dad do?’ and ‘Do you like the colour yellow?’
Memorable moments?
The house black daal was absolutely amazing. We always wondered how they justified the exorbitant cost when we walked past, but I have to say, fully worth it.
Favourite thing about Josh?
Seems like a really nice guy, good sense of humour, long-term I imagine that would wear off and you’d just wish he’d fucking shut up rather than launch on a comic riff about vegans.
A capsule description?
Genuinely incredible food.
Was there a spark?
Yeah! Course! We’ll probably go off together afterwards, laughing happily like we’ve got away with something!
What happened afterwards?
We went back to his place but nothing happened, we were both too full.
What would you change about the evening?
I would have tried the vada pau.
Will you see each other again?
You know, I think we might?
Josh on Charlotte
First impression?
Really lovely, really gorgeous, absolute stunner in fact. Definitely someone I can see myself in a five-year relationship with.
How was conversation?
Like Charl said, we knew nothing about each other so the questions were très basic. At one point I asked ‘Have you got a brother-in-law who’s a twat with a Tesla?’ and you’ll never believe it, she had! Total shot in the dark.
Memorable moments?
That mutton pepper fry. Completely amazing. I told her it would be worth it.
Favourite thing about Charlotte?
She’s a great sport who’ll go along with my crazy ideas because they pay off big time. And an impressively solid actor.
A capsule description?
A delicious occasion. And meeting Charl for the first time added so much savour added to the meal. I bet we’ll gloat about it for years to come.
Was there a spark?
Yeah, why not? Don’t be surprised if you see us together around town sometime.
What happened afterwards?
We headed off together, talking first in conspiratorial low tones then bursting into laughter once we’d made it far enough from the restaurant not to be overheard.
What would you change about the evening?
Perhaps we were a little too obvious about it. If I could go back, I wouldn’t make a big show of correctly guessing Charlotte’s birthday in front of the manager.
Will you see each other again?
I’d say there’s a 100 per cent chance. In fact I’m taking her back to my place right away. Who’s that by the car? Fuck, it’s the waiter from before. Why does he have a gun?
