My six facial expressions, by Vin Diesel

FAST & Furious star Vin Diesel has more hit movies than he has facial expressions, but only if you count all the F&F films separately. Otherwise it’s fewer. 

He talks us through the half-dozen faces that have made him, incredibly, one of the highest grossing film stars working today:

Squinting confusion

So underrated. Whether you’re involved in a six-way standoff, have just discovered your dead lover is alive or simply don’t know what everyone’s talking about, geologically-dawning confusion adds so much. Hold your expression longer than anyone would imagine possible and they’ll do all the talking for you.

Intense concentration

Perfect for revving the engines at the start of a race or punching Jason Statham in a car park, this is also a face I get a lot of use from in real life. For example, calling the latest movie Fast X came out of a 35-hour concentration session. I’ve scheduled another to come up with the title for the next one. So far I’m on Fur11ous. 


Whether I’m playing Dom Toretto driving a car or at rest, his face is alive with the grievances he’s suffered and the revenge he needs to take. Like a projection of a rock on a rock, I show that with a slight downturned lip and an unfocused eye. Not The Rock, by the way. Guy’s an asshole. He doesn’t know that because I never show it in my face.


It’s in the fucking title so I need it. For inspiration I remember everything I’ve lost: the XXX franchise, the Riddick franchise, the Bloodshot franchise, the Marvel movies because I agreed to be a one-line tree for a laugh. The Academy, who refuse to create new categories for Best Wheelspin or Longest Vehicular Jump, the bastards.

Completely blank

The protagonist of a movie – even someone as multi-faceted as Dom – represents the audience. They want to inhabit him. I allow them. I go blank, staring directly at a co-star’s pulsing forehead vein and letting all thought flow from me until there’s not a spark of animation there. I can remain like this for days. Keanu cracks after a mere six hours.

My O-face

I don’t get many sex scenes, because I’m too manly, so I’ve repurposed my orgasm face for any reaction shot where I’m expected to show joy, happiness, regret, love, or pleasure at the size of a barbecue. It’s the face I use when I say ‘Family’ while holding a beer at the end of a movie. And scene. Cinema doesn’t deserve me.

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Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries, March 21st–April 19th

For sale. Baby’s shoes. Too big.

Taurus, April 20th–May 20th

Marvin Gaye sang ‘there ain’t no mountain high enough’, but never even made it as far as Everest base camp.

Gemini, May 21st–June 21st

When people decribe something as being just not cricket they are almost always correct.

Cancer, June 22nd–July 22nd

Get real, if there were people riding round cities with big green cubes on their backs in a videogame you’d totally smash them for energy.

Leo, July 23rd–August 22nd

People want a white knight to come along in a tough situation but actual white knights are people like Sir Barry Gibb. What’s he going to do? Fuck all mate.

Virgo, August 23rd–September 22nd

The rise of the Dogstar in your sign proves that, as in the 90s, we are approaching peak Keanu.

Libra, September 23rd–October 22nd

Now you think about it, you’re not sure your granny does know how to suck eggs.

Scorpio, October 23rd–November 22nd

Loaded potato skins is what you call those loutish families that win the lottery.

Sagittarius, November 22nd–December 21st

‘If you think about it, zip-tied rows of pallets are basically fences,’ you say to your neighbour conversationally.

Capricorn, December 22nd–January 19th

Friends is the most on-the-nose laziest possible title for a TV show. Also two of them were relatives and 66 per cent of them fucked.

Aquarius, January 20th–February 18th

You were enthralled by the idea of a crab cake but it never lived up to your expectations. No icing, no candles and it couldn’t scuttle.

Pisces, February 19th–March 20th

There is little more likely to get you in shit than wincing at the misspelling of a child’s name on a large man’s neck tattoo.