MEGASTAR Rihanna is performing at the Superbowl simply because everyone else has and she didn’t want to be left out. What else was she peer-pressured into?
I only tried my first ciggie because of peer pressure. Previous to that I’d stuck to healthy low-tar high-THC weed, but Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus were on the fags in the toilets at Coachella and I didn’t want to look a dick so I joined in. I quit when I got pregnant but still vape like a steam train on the back porch. You make sacrifices when you have kids. The Superbowl’s going to cost me $60 for a babysitter.
Getting my first tattoo
With 23 of them now, including the goddess Isis on my rib cage, you’d think I was well into them, but I only got my second tattoo to cover up my first. A massive Scooby-Doo I got in Magaluf pissed on fishbowls. Got infected from the hotel pool. My dad went spare. And don’t get me started on my nipple piercing. I cried all the way to Claire’s Accessories getting that done. But me and Katy Perry had made a pact so I couldn’t back out. It bloody killed.
I only did this once and felt terrible about it. Drake dared me to steal a packet of Toffos so I did, but I couldn’t go in that corner shop again. I only recently admitted it to A$AP Rocky, my boyfriend, and he pointed out he’d been arrested for drug dealing, breach of contract, a handful of assaults and possession of a deadly weapon. Which made me feel better about my rap sheet.
Leasing a mid-sized SUV
Although I could have a fleet of Maybachs driven by personal drivers, I’ve somehow ended up with a ceramic grey 2019 Nissan Qashaqi on a three-year personal car hire lease. I popped into the dealership for a free Chupa Chup and Carl persuaded me I could drive one off the forecourt today for £2k down and then £250 a month. The mileage is good but I saw Kendrick Lamar at the lights in his Merc G-Wagon and was ashamed to be rolling in this sensible, suburban motherfucker.
Being in music at all
It’s not really my thing. I was planning go into commercial fishing, but was trilling a shanty while trimming sail and my first mate suggested I might be better off as a nine Grammy award-winning singer and underwear mogul. The whole crew agreed, from bosun to deckhand, I wasn’t strong enough to say no and so just went along with it. Now I’m kind of stuck. Same thing happened to Neil Young apparently.