SPANISH FA president Luis Rubiales has agreed to kiss all the rest of the girls on his country’s World Cup-winning football team if that will make them happy.
Rubiales has reluctantly accepted that he upset the squad by kissing forward Jenni Hermoso on the lips during celebrations, making the other players jealous that she was his favourite.
He said: “Girls. Calm down. There is plenty of Rubiales to go around.
“Why are women like this? One of their number is blessed by my lips and the bitchiness and the ostracism begins. Why can you not just be pleased for Jenni for being so favoured?
“Instead the whole incredible story of your World Cup victory, which really should have been the focus of this last week, has been overshadowed by ‘she was kissed on the lips by the handsome man and I wasn’t’. It really proves women are not suited to sport.
“But yes, okay, to end all the envy and backbiting and frosty silences that poor Jenni is suffering I will make this right by kissing all of you. Please, form a queue at my hot tub.”
He added: “I hear in England their run to the final has been eclipsed by the goalkeeper being furious about her outfit. Women.”
