ENGLAND manager Fabio Capello has nominated his provisional list of 30
excuses for crashing out of the World Cup in June.
This will be whittled down to 23 after a series of friendlies establish
which of them sound the most convincing and hopefully involve the
Capello said: “England has a great history of international footballing
buck-passing and I’m confident we have a golden generation of limp
rationalisations involving refereeing decisions. Blaming somebody else
is coming home.”
The squad of excuses contained few surprises, although ‘Temporary
inertia from a crushing sense of existential ennui’ and ‘Debilitating
erections caused by daydreaming of Trevor Brooking’ were unexpected late
Meanwhile ‘Exhaustion after a long league campaign screaming at referees
for awarding a throw-in’ is aiming to appear in its fourth World Cup
and ‘Being distracted by the thought of fucking everybody else’s wife’
was named captain as expected.
Capello said the squad was good enough to aim for a reason why they did
not reach the semi-finals and would be disappointed if it had to trot
out the same pathetic old crap in the group stages.
But he warned that England’s group C opponents had some outstanding
excuses of their own, adding: “America will use its ‘Terrible
domestic league’ early in the game while Algeria will look to utilise
‘Being partially French’ which generally explains all manner of
“But personally I am very excited that playing a World Cup on the
African continent gives us our first ever opportunity to build a dynamic and unstoppable excuse based on ‘antelopes’.”