ROY Hodgson and his England team have boarded their ship to begin their epic journey back to the UK.
The squad, who will row a two-masted trireme, expect to be home within a month but have embarked on an odyssey that will last a decade.
Hodgson said: “First of all we’ll be blown off course to the Falkland Islands where Adam Lallana will be sodomised by a one-eyed man in a cave.
“That is mainly his own fault, though, because he disguised himself as a sheep.
“Next, a mysterious sorceress will transform the entire squad into pigs for a bit which, again, looking at most of them I’m sure they can take in their stride.
“The beautiful sirens who’ll attempt to lure us to our deaths on rocks will be ignored, first because the lads are used to that kind of thing and second because they’ve all got their headphones on.
“Finally, we’ll arrive back in England to find that ten years have passed, that all their clubs and WAGs have long since replaced them and that their names are pretty much forgotten.
“Which still compares well to the esteem in which the Golden Generation are held, and at least we’ve missed Mark Lawrenson’s post-match analysis.”