Everyone Now A F*cking Tennis Expert

EVERYONE in Britain is now a fucking tennis expert who could easily replace Dan Maskell, or whoever it is that does the commentary these days.

'He's much better at hitting the ball this year'

Following Andy Murray's near defeat by a Frenchman, everyone is saying how much his ground-strokes have improved and that having a girlfriend is obviously really good for his temperament.

Wayne Hayes, from London, said: "His unreliable second serve really came good in the fourth set. He's totally getting his end away.

"And did you see him eat a banana? Amazing. Apparently it gives him a potassium boost and stops him from thinking about bananas while he's playing."

But everyone is also warning that Murray now faces the match of his life against that scary looking Spanish guy who is really good with clay and needs a haircut.

Hayes added: "The Spanish guy is really strong and scary, but he doesn't like grass. And neither do I to be honest. It tastes awful."

Sandra McKay, a housewife from Reading, said: "What about that crowd? It's the crowd though isn't it. The crowd, yes, it's all about the crowd."

She added: "Henman Hill. Remember that? Marvellous."

Tom Logan, an assistant bank manager from Peterborough, said: "The women's singles is absolutely fascinating isn't it?

"With Sharapova and Ivanovic both failing to find their form it means the title will now go to some big ugly lesbian."