SIR Alex Ferguson last night continued his policy of ruining the ends of things by revealing the conclusion to hit US drama series The Wire.
Interviewed after Manchester United's last-gasp winner again Aston Villa, Ferguson destroyed the hopes and dreams of the thousands of viewers who have just started watching it on BBC2.
Speaking to the Shopping Channel, the last remaining media outlet he is willing to talk to, the United coach praised the referee for allowing 26 minutes of stoppage time before bellowing out the endings to a series of popular films and TV shows.
He added: "Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis is ghost. Fight Club, Brad Pitt is imaginary. Crying Game, the girl has a cock."
Before the match, Ferguson roamed the stands with a pin, bursting small children’s balloons and screaming that there was no Father Christmas into their sobbing faces.
He has also been banned from all libraries and bookshops in the Greater Manchester area for tearing out the last page of crime novels and then sellotaping it inside the front cover.
Meanwhile in a horrifying conclusion to yesterday's game, United's winner was scored by debutant Federico Macheda, recently grown from a petri dish in the club's Youth Laboratory.
Ferguson said: "There are millions like him in test tubes and beakers just waiting to be released. Eventually I will make one that can fly."
The result led to widespread disturbances across Liverpool where local police said that lootings were almost 1% higher than a typical Sunday night.