TRUE football fans have demanded a return to the game’s golden age when nobody was very good at it.
A gaggle of men in the corner of a pub wearing 1990s replica kits were definitively in agreement that football had lost its soul and they didn’t know why they still bothered to watch it.
Despite vehement criticism of the encounter between Manchester City and Barcelona showing on the pub’s television, the men watched the entire game, tutting at the ostentatious shows of skill and comparing Luis Suarez unfavourably to Tony Yeboah.
Disillusioned fan Stephen Malley said: “It’s just not the same these days. Who wants to see incredibly skilled super athletes competing in high-tempo, scintillating two-legged contests?
“I liked it back when players had moustaches and spiky haircuts and used to hoof the ball into the stands at the slightest provocation.
“These days it’s all big salaries, shots on target and all that nonsense.”
Even throughout the 1990s, only exceptional players were able to get the ball anywhere near the goal. During the 1990 World Cup just one goal was scored, and most fans never saw a live goal during the decade.
Malley said: “What an age that was. I say bring back the back-pass rule and small shorts hitched up so high players’ nut sacks popped out when they jumped for headers.”