THE planet has confirmed that it does not support the Greens or want them to be encouraged.
Earth said: “I don’t know why they are so obsessed with me but I wish they would stop.
“Natalie Bennett gives the worst interviews since I was cooling and forming a crust.
“Having a ‘mental brain fade’ is fine if you are a character in an 80s stoner comedy but less so if your job involves remembering quite a lot of facts.
“Also I don’t like those balding naturist-looking ones. They seem sexually frustrated and I expect they write dreadful poetry.”
Earth believes that elections are irrelevant because humanity will exterminate itself within a century.
“I’ve seen it all before with the dinosaurs. It was all going pretty well until they invented religion and social media – they had dinosaur cars and everything.
“They’ll tell you they were destroyed by an asteroid but obviously that is bollocks. Even with a really big asteroid you just get a bit of a crater.”