Hathaway costume changes delight England wicket keeper

ANNE Hathaway’s eight costume changes were a triumph, according to Surrey and England wicket keeper Steven Davies.

Davies said the Oscars co-host had shown grace and poise and was the perfect foil for the delicious James Franco.

The 24 year-old middle-order batsman who has kept wicket for England in Twenty20 and One Day International matches added: “I thought the burgundy gown was breathtaking.

“She’s got his wonderful Audrey Hepburn thing going on. Coquettish and playful but with an air of sexy mystery.

“I’d love to see her in a remake of Breakfast at Tiffany’s. No, scratch that. My Fair Lady. One word – amazing.”

Dismissing claims he asked to be left out of England’s World Cup squad as it would have clashed with his Oscars party, Davies said: “Matt Prior is an outstanding wicket keeper, but I’m sure my time will come.

“Anyway who wants a glass of this pink stuff? I’ve no idea what’s in it but it’s yummy.”

Meanwhile, Surrey season ticket holders are coming to terms with the fact that their wicket keeper is a massive Anne Hathaway fan.

Roy Hobbs, who once had a pint with the great Sir Alec Bedser, said: “I shall be writing to the chairman. Players who have Oscar parties should be tail-enders at best. And I’m not happy with him being that close to the crease.”

Hobbs added: “God knows what Sir Alec would think. He was such a wonderful servant to the club as well having great, meaty forearms and a lovely, soft tongue.”


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Gaddafi welcomed by online forums

LIBYAN leader Colonel Gaddafi has been offered sanctuary by the internet’s legion of keyboard warriors.

A coalition of 9/11 conspiracy theorists, crop circleologists and everybody who’s ever clicked ‘like’ under a Daily Mail news story has offered to shelter the middle-east’s premier genocidal Tom Jones impersonator.

IT consultant Wayne Hayes, operating under the online name Sheeple69, said: “He’s been reliably Icke for years but the recent troubles have really seen him stretch himself into whole new realms of join-the-dots-motherfucker-ness.

“I moderate a forum where every member is assigned one of the 486 frames of the Zapruder footage of the JFKKK – yeah, I said it – assassination.

“Unfortunately, as founder of the site I had to take frame 1, which is a bit dull, but on the lefthand side of the frame you can see a shadow which looks like Castro in profile.

“Anyway, I think the Colonel would fit right in with the guys, so long as he starts dropping a few more Hitler references.

“He just needs to pass the entrance exam, which is a 35,000-word essay on why the head of every major financial institution has a tattoo of L Ron Hubbard on their arse.”

Gaddafi has yet to comment on the offer as he is currently assembling a Powerpoint presentation proving that Um Bongo spiked with brown acid is being air-dropped by US troops over towns in a plot to make Libyan teenagers think their leader is actually a pissed lion wrapped in a bedsheet.