ENGLAND manager Roy Hodgson has settled on a first eleven excuses for failure at next year’s World Cup.
The excuses, which blend experience with a few exciting debutants, will represent their country when it performs catastrophically in Brazil.
Outlining his formation, Hodgson said: “Up front we’ve got the tiring Premier League season and injuries to key players, which we’re hoping and praying come through in the spring when we need them most.
“On the wing were blaming the climate of the host country, which may be new and untried now but we’ve got to learn to rely on because it’ll be absolutely crucial in Qatar.
In midfield well be blaming Gerrard and Lampards failure to gel, though not without some sadness as thats the last time well be able to use an excuse from the Golden Generation.
At the back, weve got the classic combination of the Brazilian nightlife and the distraction of the WAGs, who have promised me theyre going to shop like theyve never shopped before.
And between the sticks, Joe Hart.
Hodgson added: Failing to plan for failure is planning for failure to fail.
I wont fall into the trap of Capello, spending all his time working on making the team better and leaving the press with no option but to pin the whole thing on him.
England fans are relying on me to give them the excuses that will turn a miserable showing into a hard-fought moral victory for the team.