Friday, 30th October 2020

Hungover beat Still Pissed in Sunday league game

HUNGOVER has narrowly beaten Still Pissed From Last Night in a hotly contested Sunday league football game. 

Hungover AFC, who often had only nine men on the field due to players vomiting, were initially expected to lose heavily because their keeper was sitting against a goalpost pinching the bridge of his nose.

However, an overconfident Still Pissed gave away an early lead twice because their striker was unable to remember which goal was which and scored two ‘storming’ own goals.

Spectator Joe Turner said: “By half-time Hungover were a goal up and washing down Nik Naks with Lucozade to quell their churning guts, while Still Pissed were all smoking while telling each other they’d given up but they always want one after a drink.

“In the second half Still Pissed began to lose players to fatigue, the local Wetherspoons and punch-ups with the crowd, while Hungover pulled themselves together after realising that after this they could lie down in the back of the car.

“It ended 9-4 to Hungover, though some of Still Pissed thought they’d won regardless. There should’ve been red cards, but the referee had been up all night on MDMA so was just hugging everybody instead.”