CHELSEA midfielder Juan Mata has been sold to an eerie crewless ship.
The ship, which has been purposelessly roaming since being cut adrift last year, is inhabited only by diseased cannibal rats feeding on each other.
Thought only to have value as scrap, the deserted hulk terrifies other ships with its advancing decay and its red-eyed, feral inhabitants.
Mata said: “Joining a decaying ghost ship, a spectre of the seaways which other captains talk about in hushed tones because they fear it could one day happen to them, isn’t exactly the ideal transfer.
“On the other hand, at least I might get to start a game every once in a while.”