Man United to buy Gary Neville-themed hotel

MANCHESTER United is to purchase a luxury hotel themed around former right-back Gary Neville.

The Hotel G-Nev, which is designed, owned and managed by Gary Neville, features a restaurant, a sauna, and a rooftop football pitch with undersoil heating and no goals.

All bedrooms feature wide-screen televisions, beds shaped like David Beckham, and complementary moustache thickener.

Guests can pay to have ‘the Gary Neville experience’, which involves taunting Liverpudlians, mis-hitting crosses, and having Peter Schmeichel suddenly berate them at random moments.

A United spokesman said: “The G-Nev is a solid, consistent, 7/10 hotel. While not as exciting as the Palais Cantona or as historic as the Hotel Giggs, the G-Nev promises a functional night’s sleep while getting under the skin of rival hotels.”

In addition to the standard ‘Gary Neville’ rooms, guests can stay in the budget ‘Phil Neville’ rooms, which are similar but more prone to disasters.