Mourinho unveils schedule for extensive pre-season ego trip

JOSE Mourinho has revealed plans for a summer tour of his monumental self-regard.

Next season’s Premier League promises to be the most egotistical ever, and the Manchester United boss is facing stern competition in the vanity stakes from Pep Guardiola and Jurgen Klopp.

Mourinho said: “My ego has to be ready to hit the ground running, like a beautiful cheetah.

“First I’m going to praise myself for steering United to the giddy heights of 6th, before patting myself on the back for somehow noticing that Romelu Lukaku was a good player.

“Then I’m going to compare myself favourably with Antonio Conte, Alex Ferguson and Jesus, and flirt shamelessly with the press pack until they tell me I’m special.

“Finally I’m going to bully Rafa Benitez until he starts crying, because it makes me feel alive.”