You owe me money, Hammond tells public sector workers

PHILIP Hammond has told public sector workers that they should pay back what he has given them.

The Chancellor confirmed that by definition, all public money belonged to him, and that he now wanted it returned.

He said: “Nurses, teachers and police officers are public servants, which makes me their master.

“They’ve been massively overpaid, growing rich off the fat of the land, while hardworking bankers and accountants worked their hands to the bone for no reward.

“Now it’s payback time, literally. This Brexit thing is going to be ridiculously expensive and I am not your dad. You’re getting deported to the Falklands unless you give it all back right now.

“Plus 15 percent.”

Multinational business owner Tom Logan said: “Finally, someone’s standing up for people like me.”