Olympics BMX dilemma as final clashes with tea time

BRITAIN’S 9-year-old Olympics BMX competitor is in turmoil after it emerged the final will take place when he had promised his mum he’d be home for tea.

Wiltshire-based Tom Logan had been hoping to claim gold for his nation but this could now be scuppered by meal commitments.

Logan said: “The final is at six, and I’ve already been told off once this week for being late home after the quarter finals.

“Also it’s Crispy Pancakes and Birdseye Peas tonight and, as much as I want a medal, I’m not sure I can afford to miss that.”

The Olympics BMX event has been dramatic, earlier in the week 12-year-old German veteran Hans Prochnow came off during a wheelie and cried.

Logan said: “He had all blood on his knee, it was like a horror film. His mum had to come and take him home, he was still grizzing when she carried him off the track, like a baby.”

There has also been controversy after a French rider’s dad accused Team GB of using  illegal spokey dokeys to gain an aerodynamic advantage.

Tom Logan’s mum Emma said: “He gets together with his mates, they go off and do the Olympics and forget what time it is. I keep telling him but it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference.

“If I have to send his father down the Velopark to get him it’ll end in tears.”



Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

How can I woo this handsome man?

Dear Holly,

There is a lovely handsome man at my work who I really fancy. Trouble is, he’s got a beautiful wife and three kids, whom he clearly adores. Also, I’m a burly male bus driver with many tattoos and a hairy back. How can I make him mine?



Dear Alan,

Have you considered making a wish? Wishes can come true. A matter of weeks ago, on my tenth birthday, I blew out the candles on my Minnie Mouse cake and wished for something more than I had ever wished before, something which seemed impossible, and yet here we are now, in a very different world: a world where R-Patz and K-Stew are on the verge of a split. Who in their wildest dreams could have foreseen that my wish would come true (or at least partly true, K-Stew hasn’t been mauled by a rabid dog and crushed under a lorry yet). But now I know that I have this special power, I’ve already decided what I’ll wish for on my next birthday. So when it comes on the news a year from now that Selena Gomez has accidentally had her scalp and face ripped off by a combine harvester and been publicly dumped by Justin Bieber as a result, you’ll know who to thank.

Hope that helps!