Peter Shilton converts to Buddhism

FORMER England goalkeeper Peter Shilton has converted to buddhism after the election of an Argentinean Pope.

Shilton renounced Christianity as ‘a cruel sham which rewards the wicked’ and said his life must now be a quest for peace and self-knowledge.

He added: “I  was going to become an atheist but I had a chat with Richard Dawkins and he said that football was just another form of religion used to distract and manipulate the bovine masses and that it was largely my fault.

“I said to him ‘there’s no need for that’.”

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Top 10 Pope facts

The Daily Mash presents a cut-out-and-keep guide to Francis, the first Jesuit  Pope who also happens to be Argentinean.

1) Was tempted to name himself ‘Fabio the First’.

2) Favourite film is the classic Jesuit fantasy The Exorcist. “At seminary I was voted ‘most likely to exorcise Pazuzu’.” 

3) Secretly believes the Falklands ‘are as British as steak and kidney pudding’.

4) May have met Adolf Eichmann. “Which one was he?”

5) Favourite food is wine.

6) Advises homosexuals to try having sex with a pumpkin instead.

7) Claims to be really good at karate and judo but won’t show anyone his moves because he ‘might take their eye out’.

8) Only pretended to like General Galtieri whenever they went on holiday together.

9) Banned Diego Maradona from masturbating with the Hand of God.

10) Would like to beat you until you apologise.