Spurs to build on first 13 seconds

SPURS say they will take the positives from their unbeaten 13 seconds against Manchester City.

Players have been studying the video of yesterday’s kick off to see which of their half dozen touches of the ball led to the first goal.

Manager Andre Villas-Boas said: “If we can push on from here we might be able to get a throw-in before it all turns to shit.”

Villas-Boas has also proposed that matches return to the centre circle every 10 seconds, as well as a cricket-style declaration system to end a match whenever necessary.

Meanwhile, fans have questioned the manger’s team selection which yesterday included a still-concussed Hugo Lloris playing in slippers and a dressing gown.

Villas-Boas added: “By breaking down a match into 13-second sections it’s clear we just need to work on the remaining 414 of them.

“I suspect that will be a standard quote one day – ‘it’s a game of 415 13-second sections, Brian’.”

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ITV working furiously on Terrahawks 30th anniversary special

ITV has pledged to knock-out a 30th anniversary tribute to its greatest-ever sci-fi show, Terrahawks.

Stars of the 1980s show that ITV could track down and are still alive have been gathered for a one-off episode using puppets found in an Elstree lock-up.

The hour-long show will be broadcast some time on Thursday afternoon, depending on regional programming schedules.

Terrahawks fan Roy Hobbs said: “I hope it recalls those magical moments as a child when I’d flick through the channels on a Sunday afternoon and notice it was on.

“I’m sure all Terrahawkians will be eagerly tuning in to watch the new adventures of whoever the good guy was.

“I think it was ‘Geoff’.”