‘Wenger’ becomes a verb

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

The Oxford English Dictionary said ‘Wengering’ is a tendency found in stubborn, parsimonious middle aged men who cannot handle the concept of inflation.

Examples of ‘Wengering’ include: “I went to Marks And Spencer under orders to buy some new socks. But they didn’t have any like the last ones I bought in 1976, so I Wengered, came home and asked my wife to darn old my old pairs instead.”

Or there is: “My toilet had sprung a leak but the plumber I called was charging £50 an hour. So I Wengered – I had my son try to fix it instead, as part of my youth policy. The toilet flooded the bathroom but the important thing is, I stuck to my philosophy.”

Or alternatively: “I am a multi-millionaire whose children desperately need new bikes for Christmas. But I went to Halfords only to Wenger when I saw the prices.

“Imagine the faces of my children when they open their presents on Christmas day, to find their old bikes patched up with sellotape. I will explain to them that now they are mended they are the same as new bikes.

“In any case, they will be more than adequate for the brief trip we are making to Europe this year.”

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Corbynmania 'so last August'

JEREMY Corbyn has been deserted in droves by young Labour fans bored of his radical beard thing.

The backbencher was the surprise package of the leadership election, energising vast swathes of disaffected young voters who flocked in droves to join the party, gripped by Jeremy fever.

Tom Booker, 17, who joined the party in early August said, “I joined the Labour party because I was bored, I wanted something new, I wanted change and I wanted it now.

“Jeremy Corbyn seemed to be the man. Rocking it with the whole beard look and the old man vibe and the rallies.

“But c’mon, it’s been weeks now and nothing’s happened. I mean, still with the beard? And the rallies? Come on, old man. I want something new, I want change and I want it now.”

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Young people feel let down by Jeremy Corbyn. He promised there’d be a leadership election, raising hopes of Davina McCall on TV saying “and the winner is”, and then pausing for like totally ages before saying “Jeremy!”

“But now they’re saying that’s not happening till September 12 which is like light years away. They should have had the election in August when kids were still interested.

“Now young people want someone different. Who’s that fat oaf who’s always hitting people and going on Twitter? John Prescott. Let’s vote for him.”