West Ham reluctantly unveil Moyes as manager

DAVID Moyes is probably going to have to be West Ham’s new manager, the club has wearily announced.

After sacking Slaven Bilic, West Ham’s directors declared with grim resignation that Moyes would be their default appointment.

David Gold said: “We could’ve pretended that we had various other exciting options like Carlo Ancelotti or Marco Silva, but what’s the point in prolonging the agony when we all know it’ll be Moyes?

“I don’t even recall calling David to offer him the job, we just heard a knock at the door and there he was staring at us with those desperate puppy dog eyes and we knew the game was up.

“The only consolation is that it’s not Sam Allardyce again, although I think he’ll come round next.”

David Moyes said: “I’m looking forward to making a futile attempt to turn this team’s fortunes around before being laid off at the start of February.

“It’s just nice to be indoors for the winter.”