Wilshere to jump a row of buses during England friendly

ARSENE Wenger has criticised Roy Hodgson’s decision to have Jack Wilshere perform half-time daredevil stunts in Stockholm next week. 

The midfielder is returning to football after a lengthy injury spell that saw Arsenal physios lay all his constituent body parts on a blanket in the treatment room like a fleshy piece of flat pack furniture.

Wenger said: “While we we’re always willing to work with the England camp, personally I think it’s too early in Jack’s recovery to have him try and fist-fight with a puma.”


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Goldman Sachs selection process involves a kitten and a chainsaw

PARTNERSHIP candidates at Goldman Sachs are asked to get creative with a kitten and a range of power tools, it has emerged.

The bi-annual selection process involves an elite group of the bank’s most psychotic employees, who take turns to enter a room known as ‘the Red Chamber’.

Candidate Stephen Malley said: “There are no instructions. A metal door swings open, and you enter a crimson-painted room.

“On the floor are an array of power tools – strimmers, drills, a chainsaw. I think there was an axe too.

“And in the middle of a room, on a plinth, is an adorable tabby kitten, snoozing on a knitted blanket.

“You have 30 minutes.

“I’m actually a very aggressive person so I thought the challenge was to not harm the kitten.

“However when I got back to my desk it had been cleared and a P45 was stapled to a picture of my kids.”

Goldman Sachs partner Julian Cook said: “So far today the process is going well, in fact I’ve had to call the pet shop for reinforcements.

“We’re having what is known as a ‘twenty kitten session’.”