REALITY star Kim Kardashian has landed the top job in the modernised Church of England.
The American sex tape star is in the UK to sell frocks and don the ancient jazzy hat that will make her a spiritual figurehead for millions of ‘Kristians’.
Church bosses hope to exploit the American’s immense appeal to gullible people who feel their lives are meaningless.
A C of E spokesman said: “The typical Kardashian ‘fan’ has a mixture of confused self-loathing and a slavish, unquestioning devotion to a strange fantasy.
“These are exactly the people we need, to a tee.
“Also, local church roof funds will get a huge boost from selling designer handbags and fragrances to depressed housewives.
“We’ve been struggling to maintain interest in a wrathful, invisible sky-being but hefty jiggling boobs seem as popular as ever.
“And God, after all, created big boobs. So this is a marriage made, quite literally, in Heaven.”
Devout ‘Kristian’ Tom Logan said: “It’s certainly radical – she is the first head of the Anglican Church that I’ve watched on the internet noshing off a rapper.”