Increasing numbers of adults trying tantrums

ADULTS have finally realised the impressive power of childish tantrums to get what you want.

Grown-ups have found that acting like a crazed toddler is a highly effective way of resolving disputes at home and in the workplace, so long as you are good at screaming.

Office worker Tom Logan said: “People say adults should discuss things reasonably and reach an agreement, but I’m getting much better results from kicking off like some little shit in Waitrose.

“Last night my girlfriend wanted to watch the news but I wanted to watch Transporter 2, so I threw myself around on the floor beating the carpet with my fists and holding my breath until my face went purple.

“She was a bit freaked out but we soon found ourselves watching Jason Statham. I’m going to remember this next time she makes me visit her parents.”

Marketing manager Donna Sheridan said: “My team had a disagreement about our new brochure, so I stomped around the meeting room kicking things and shouting ‘I don’t want!’

“After just four minutes of hollering they accepted that my opinion was the correct one. Also I got a McFlurry to stop me crying.”

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Man can’t remember which one is Stormy Daniels and which is Cambridge Analytica

A MAN is pretty confident that porn star Cambridge Analytica has been paid off by Trump and Stormy Daniels has shut down, or possibly vice versa.

Sales executive Nathan Muir admitted he has not been following the story that closely but believes Cambridge Analytica is definitely the porn star, because of her provocative name.

He said: “You can just picture her. She’d have glasses and that. The sexy librarian look. She’d go, ‘I’m Cambridge. Have you been naughty and brought your books back late?’

“Whereas no self-respecting adult film actor would call themselves Stormy Daniels. It’s really 80s and it makes you think of Paul Daniels. That’s the last thing you want if you’re a porn star.

“Anyway that dodgy company Stormy Daniels has been shut down for pinching everyone’s data, and Cambridge Analytica had an affair with Trump, the lucky sod.

“Politics in the 21st century is really confusing, but you can understand it if you’re prepared to make the effort like me.”