1. BORIS Johnson is an untrustworthy bag of guts who feels, whereas this is a chihuahua called Ian who would not break up the UK or shout at his girlfriend.
2. Unlike Boris Johnson, Ian the chihuahua has not changed his opinion on anything. Ever. He is, by the way, also a full three inches taller than Nigel Farage.
3. Ian has a credible plan to avoid a no-deal Brexit by yapping like a f*cking lunatic outside Arlene Foster’s house for 16 hours.
4. Ian may not have had a classical education at Eton and Oxford but he’s also never conspired to have anyone beaten up – apart from a King Charles spaniel known locally as ‘Geoff the Tw*t’.
5. Boris Johnson wants to cut taxes for the better off, but Ian just wants to sit on your face.