A HUGE squid found off the coast of Antarctica is basically the same as a normal squid, only much, much bigger, a team of disappointed zoologists said last night.
Professor Wayne Hayes, of the Institute for Studies, said they first encountered the enormous specimen while watching the second round of the World Snooker Championships from Sheffield.
Professor Hayes added: “When they brought it in I was like, ‘Jesus Christ, that’s a right fucking stoater. Is it dead?’
“I says to Dave, ‘Dave, d’you wanna switch off the telly for five minutes and maybe give me a hand with the world’s biggest squid that’s just been dumped in my lap, as per usual’.
“I tell you what, I’m getting pretty bloody sick of this. Every time someone finds something huge and disgusting in the sea it somehow finds it’s way to my office with a post-it note on it.
“I’m like, ‘Excuse me, in case you hadn’t noticed, I am trying to watch the fucking snooker!'”
Dr David Hobbs said: “Anyway, I go and get my big squid book while Wayne gets stuck in with his Stanley knife and a pair of pliers.
“I was thinking, ‘I bet it’s got green blood or its face is inside out. Or it’s got eyes on the end of its tentacles. Or maybe it fell out of space ship! I have to admit, I was getting quite excited.
“But once we start delving around in there it’s obvious it’s just a really, really big squid. What a waste of time.”
Dr Hobbs added: “To be honest, I think we’ll probably just eat it. Have you been watching the snooker?”