Hang On, This Isn’t Majorca, Say Angry Pandas
A PAIR of giant Pandas who arrived in Scotland this week have claimed they were duped after being promised a fortnight in Majorca.
Chi Chi and Cha Cha said they only agreed to leave China after officials offered them a two-week stay in a seaside apartment in the picturesque village of Deia.
However, once on the plane they learned that instead of going to the beautiful Balearic island they were being sent 'on loan' to Edinburgh zoo for ten years.
Chi Chi said: "Who are these people? I've spent all my life in rural China and I've never seen such poverty and bad teeth. And I can't understand a bloody word.
"We were promised a fortnight of snorkelling, and our own hire car. We end up living in a hole in the ground, surrounded by our own mess.
"Ten years? You get less for murder. I want to talk to my solicitor. Where the fuck's the WWF when you need them?
"And I'm knackered. I've only been here a day, and every time I go outside someone throws a bottle at my head."
He added: "I don't like chips right, or Mars Bars. I just want a bit of bamboo, and a number for the nearest Chinese.
"I'd thought the break might be good. I've been under a lot of strain recently, you know, everything’s not been right down there. But this has just made it worse."